Night out with the family

[2003-04-19] @ [9:40 p.m.]

�Sensation washes over me. I can't describe it.�

Tonight, my family celebrated my grandparents� 50th anniversary. They have been married for 50 years. We went to some fancy Italian restaurant at the Oceanfront. I mean it was very fancy, the type where you have to get dressed up fancy like.

I actually did get dressed up and looked very nice. I dressed in black of course, just because I look good in black. But I couldn�t help thinking it was a lot like Thanksgiving. I did talk a bit with the family but barely. It was all simple talk. The ride home was miserable though. The food I had was a bit to rich for my stomach to handle. The ride home was 40 or 45 minutes. And I had to ride in the back seat with my grandma and mother. Let�s just say I wasn�t very comfortable and then immediately after that, we had to go to one of my uncle�s house for fireworks. Now on any normal night, I would have enjoyed it. It was freezing tonight. I was dressed in four layers with gloves. Sure watch a few lights and go home, nothing much.

I tried to make the best of it. I had fun, despite what my tummy said. I froze my ass off tonight just to be with the family. But I kept thinking about Thanksgiving and how everyone at the table tonight was all friendly except mine. Yes we talked, and eventually both my parents jumped in. But I honestly just stayed quiet, keeping to myself. I felt out of place, a stranger to these people. Despite the fact that they are my flesh and blood!!! When I was younger, I could get along with everyone including my cousins. I�m older than my cousins by seven and nine years. Can you see were I am coming from? I just feel like I don�t belong anywhere these days. I made an attempt to fit in and join in the conversations but it just didn�t seem to work that easily.

I�m still trying to find my place in the world and I guess I haven�t found it yet. I hope I will soon.

So, quick thanks for the image from confusedvision, under the Creative Commons License 2.0. The inspiration came from Lacuna Coil, an awesome gothic metal band from Italy. This place on the web is fueled by diaryland, firefox, psp 9, caffeine in any form, books, slavic literature, and random bursts of ideas. With the exception of the image and lyrics, the design and code involved is mine. Graize.

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