Doing better than before

[2003-04-27] @ [8:43 a.m.]

�I will never know myself until I do this on my own.�

My mom left for Florida yesterday, to go be there with her sisters with the passing of their mother. My mom asked me if I wanted to go yet, I flat out refused to. Why should I? I didn�t want to in all honesty. I didn�t want to have to deal with it, even though I may need closure. I just didn�t want to deal with it. My mom also told me before she left that after school ends that the entire family is going down to watch the spread of ashes of my grandparents. That will be my closure.

My dad has been working down over at the navel air station this weekend so I�ve been able to be left alone these two days. I started digging through old VHS tapes, trying to find ones from when I was only two or three and we went down to be with the grandparents. I found them and I started to cry when I did and I laughed, etc. It was just a whole wind of emotions. But I�m so glad to have my friends, both at school and over at Kansas. I preferred actually not to tell most of my friends at school unless I had to but they made me forget and I Friday was actually a great day. Amanda and Liz are probably the best. Alex was really sweet about offering support. And the other Scapers over at Kansas, especially my beta readers, offered such kind thoughts and words.

I�m still grieving but in my own way. I�m doing my best to deal with it and I am. I�m actually looking forward to going down to Florida in June or sometime after school. That and that only will be my closure. Anyhow how about some brighter news, huh?

I�ve been working on my Farscape fic finally and that is finally coming along. I started looking at class rings and I�m really excited about getting that in December. It�s not raining today and that is a plus. We got close to two inches yesterday afternoon. Hope it won�t rain today. Anyhow everyone, I�m doing better and I�m saying later.

So, quick thanks for the image from confusedvision, under the Creative Commons License 2.0. The inspiration came from Lacuna Coil, an awesome gothic metal band from Italy. This place on the web is fueled by diaryland, firefox, psp 9, caffeine in any form, books, slavic literature, and random bursts of ideas. With the exception of the image and lyrics, the design and code involved is mine. Graize.

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