I Don't Want To Go Through This Again

[2003-06-11] @ [9:31 p.m.]

�I can�t go through this all again.�

I took two of my exams today. Electronics and Biology. I can�t help but thinking I�ve failed one of them because on the Electronics exam, despite the fact I had studied, I still feel like I�ve failed. The wait to know the truth will drive me to insanity, if I haven�t all ready reached it yet. And I still have two more tomorrow that I have to go through. One more day of this hell.

Yet, I�ve been going through the same damn thing for the past week. I�ve been stressing out over these exams and I usually don�t but I am. I did last semester but it wasn�t this extensive but still I did it. I�m losing sleep over this shit; I have no will to eat dinner tonight because I�m so nervous about this tomorrow. My head is swimming with emotions it is unreal. I can feel my heart in my chest; it feels like it is pounding after I�ve just run the mile at school. World is coming down around me.

I desperately want to let this all go and forget about it. But one of my teachers commented that he had never seen me stress over something so small before. I can�t let this go to past deep down but I know I can�t do a thing about it anymore. I�ve been doing the math repeatedly checking my results with possibilities of the final grade even if I do fail, a C but I�m not sure. Even if I past that will be good enough� even with a D for a final grade!

And I�m also having trouble studying for Latin this evening because I have so much emotional baggage in my system. I�m going off to make some tea and try and eat something. I have a major headache. Then I�ll come back to studying.

So, quick thanks for the image from confusedvision, under the Creative Commons License 2.0. The inspiration came from Lacuna Coil, an awesome gothic metal band from Italy. This place on the web is fueled by diaryland, firefox, psp 9, caffeine in any form, books, slavic literature, and random bursts of ideas. With the exception of the image and lyrics, the design and code involved is mine. Graize.

kelly's currently-reading book montage

Powered by Goodreads.com