Facing the World

[2003-06-19] @ [5:48 p.m.]

�I can feel you pull me down.�

Lately, I�ve been cringing at the world, as everything becomes more reality of the fact that the �real world� is coming fast and soon. I only have two years of high school left until I graduate and go off to college. In the meantime, I have the present time to deal with. The world is rushing to fast up behind me and I�m not prepared for it at all.

This summer, most of my friends are getting jobs because they can drive or they have some other good reason for which I don�t know of. But Alex is applying for a job at Diary Queen, Chris is planning to have a job at Farm Fresh or Wall Mart, and Emily is going for a second interview today somewhere at the mall.

And look at me, I�m turning sixteen in September and I haven�t even held a job yet. Haven�t done much of anything as of yet�

I can remember when I was just six and how much I wanted to grow up and couldn�t wait to have my dream job. Yes, the good old days� remember when you were just a child and wanted to be �all growed up?� I know I only have two years left until this is �officially� over, but I hate the idea. I�m practically paranoid about the entire world. I hear about all these great deals and I know about buying things online� but I also know about fraud. Has anyone been hearing or reading about the PayPal fraud that has been occurring lately? The chances of someone being in a fraud are about a million to one but I�ll tell you a little secret that is a chance I do not want to take at all.

It really wasn�t this year until I became somewhat social and started to make a bit more friends. It also wasn�t this year that I started to ponder about having a relationship with someone. I tried asking out Chris, I had a short relationship with a junior� it was unofficial for a few days despite the fact we acted like were going out, but when it was official� I bailed. And I have been thinking about asking someone I know out but I just don�t have the courage to do it. Anyhow, I think that is enough. I�m considering making a Farscape bookmark and perhaps continuing to do that for my Farscape site.

Darkness...

You care little for others, and hold yourself high.
Yet your cruelty and fatality will master you.
Youll do whatever it takes to get by, but youd
face death before poverty.

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So, quick thanks for the image from confusedvision, under the Creative Commons License 2.0. The inspiration came from Lacuna Coil, an awesome gothic metal band from Italy. This place on the web is fueled by diaryland, firefox, psp 9, caffeine in any form, books, slavic literature, and random bursts of ideas. With the exception of the image and lyrics, the design and code involved is mine. Graize.

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