Entry First Thing

[2003-07-08] @ [6:59 a.m.]

�Am I too lost to be saved?�

I know I�ve used the lyric before but bare with me this time.

Read my other diary? If you have, you'll know I've had trouble sleeping for the past evening. Cramps and back pain. It really does hurt... just like my feelings. Small fight this morning with mom when she came down. The fight was minor and she probably has all ready forgotten about it but knowing me, I won�t. I still remember it. It�s been about an hour now judging at my clock on the computer. And I still remember it. My eyes seem dry right now� I did cry. Not because of the fight but because it hit so close.

I�m emotionally unstable this morning. I�m always emotionally unstable but this morning I am. Usually I can let it go after dwelling on it for a short period of time for about ten minutes. But I also know that my parents love me. Yet I wonder if my mom hated me, even for the briefest second. I know it sounds all morbid or depressed and stuff but that thought just came to me this morning.

I have too much time for myself.

I�m going to avoid her as much as possible in fear of making things worse for me. But as far as I�m concerned she could have all ready forgotten about it. Yet I really haven�t really� and I fear I will make it worse than it all ready is for me and the others around me. Life sucks today. Oh well, nothing much to do except try to make it better.

At the end of the movie, �Life of Brian� everyone starts to sing, �Look on the bright side of life�� while they�re being crucified. It was a comedy movie but that is besides the point. I wish I knew the words to that song.

So, quick thanks for the image from confusedvision, under the Creative Commons License 2.0. The inspiration came from Lacuna Coil, an awesome gothic metal band from Italy. This place on the web is fueled by diaryland, firefox, psp 9, caffeine in any form, books, slavic literature, and random bursts of ideas. With the exception of the image and lyrics, the design and code involved is mine. Graize.

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