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I bear my heart for all to see.

[2004-04-22] @ [7:26 a.m.]

I finally completed writing a paper for English. I asked my parents to read it over for a general reaction because I was hoping to recieve and unbiased reaction about what I had written about students becoming burnt out. My mom did pretty well but my dad couldn't; he kept seeing me in the paper and said all I did was bitch about things for three pages. Then he reconsidered his previous conclusion and gave some good insight. But for some reason, I don't feel confindent about this paper at all. The first reaction I got from him made me think it sucked all the more but hopefully it does well.

But something clicked in my small little head about myself and me considering my career choice as a writer.

I've always enjoyed writing for about five or six years now. I've always enjoyed writing every single kind of writing. And I wasn't half-bad at it either. So I thought I had finally found my niche in society driven by technology. But taking AP English has made me reconsider my choices.

I know that there is always room for improvement. I try to take crictism without getting ugly about it. But this class has recently made me feel really stupid about writing... like I'm not that good. Writing my paper made me think about it as well and I also realized that my insecurity was secure at the moment. I started to question if writing was really for me. I mean, can I get somewhere in life with it?

Half my courses I am taking next year are either driven by Enlish and/or writing. Am starting to think if I am any good at this anymore.

Honestly, I do. I just need a lot more practice to become really good. This is just part of the way getting there. Take the good and bad together and do your best.

And for the record, I don't care if I just ranted and complained. Read my title.

I bear my heart for all to see.

So, quick thanks for the image from confusedvision, under the Creative Commons License 2.0. The inspiration came from Lacuna Coil, an awesome gothic metal band from Italy. This place on the web is fueled by diaryland, firefox, psp 9, caffeine in any form, books, slavic literature, and random bursts of ideas. With the exception of the image and lyrics, the design and code involved is mine. Graize.