Relax? Ha!

[2004-11-13] @ [8:33 p.m.]

I feel sick and crappy. And I'm tired and I am mentally exhausted today. Too much crap happened in the past two days, especially on my way home when I tried to do highway driving. My self confindence in my driving skills. Nothing bad happened, I can assurre you if you give a damn. Nothing seriously hurt except my pride.

But past two days I've been gone touring up around Harrisonburg and Blacksburg up in the Blue Ridge Moutains of Virginia looking at colleges. My opinions haven't changed by much except I decided to not apply to Radford college this year. But traveling was nuts. It was either fun or full of tension becuase of me becuase I love to tense up every chance that I can get and make myself miserable. But I did learn something. I haven't changed very much.

I still need to learn how to control myself by learning to relax. Just relax. I freak out over the simplest things most of the time. I dwell and hold a grudge on the smallest little things that no one could care about. I wish I could let go of things and simply move on and my life. I wish I knew how to relax. But sadly I don't.

I can remember as a sophmore about two years ago worrying so much about exams and other simple things like that I would make myself sick. I did that today. I still don't feel all that super right now. I took something to help with a headache but... ugh.

Single words seem to do wonders at summing up my emotions. I just wish I knew how to relax and take on things in life one thing at time. Or get a spine or learn to be a bit more humble. What I need is to change my personality before I am thrown out into the world so I can survive a bit longer than six seconds.

I just hope it is not too late to change that about me. I've just been a bunch of nerves lately it seems and I'm having trouble working through it... yeah, I have no spine. And I know I sound really angsty right about now, but when we have bad days, don't we tend to be a little bitter?

After all, I am only human. Right?

So, quick thanks for the image from confusedvision, under the Creative Commons License 2.0. The inspiration came from Lacuna Coil, an awesome gothic metal band from Italy. This place on the web is fueled by diaryland, firefox, psp 9, caffeine in any form, books, slavic literature, and random bursts of ideas. With the exception of the image and lyrics, the design and code involved is mine. Graize.

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