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And things just continue to get worse...
[2005-04-08] @ [4:20 p.m.]
Life seems so confusing right now. So many things going on and I don't know what is going to happen. I had the possiblity of uncertanity. It drives me crazy that I have no control of fate. Is fate predestined or is it all my choice to do what I can with my life? I feel like Oedipus Rex... just in the sense that he does when he questions why all the events in the Greek tradgey happen. Of course, I am not going to stab out my eyes like Oedipus in the play did because that's just crazy. I just want this to pass quickly and it is now more than ever that I am relating to a poem that I wrote awhile...
Dreams
The winds blow reality away.
And the world I have known begins to fade.
I have not the will nor the energy to move from here.
For someone pulls me away from truth.
Now the God of Dreams leads me on this newly taken path.
No restrictions or boundaries jail me here.
The world is alien and strange.
I sometimes feel I belong there rather than here.
But the world is fading once more, forever gone.
Familiar restrictions come to my awareness.
Familiar burdens weigh upon my heart and soul.
Familiar wounds that I had forgotten.
There is no escaping, no matter how hard I try.
I will always find myself drawn back to reality.
Drawn back to reality I am forever bound.
I know it sounds depressing but the incident from Tuesday is still fresh in my mind and I probably won't be at peace until the damn event is settled and I can assure myself of it.
I have a line that I have been pondering for the past few days after reading Sophocles's play, Ajax. Ajax's wife, Tecmessa, questions the chorus by saying, "If you had the choice, which would you prefer: to pain your friends and yourself be happy, or take their pain upon yourself?" And which the chorus replies, "A double unhappiness, my lady, is the greater curse."
Just think about it, okay? And I still feel like crap.
*Sorry about all the angst that you, the readers, have been reading lately but I really just need to get it out through some outlet and the outlets have been writing, reading Greek tragedies, walking a lot, and sleeping little at night. Why do I have to make such a big deal out of everything?
So, quick thanks for the image from confusedvision, under the Creative Commons License 2.0. The inspiration came from Lacuna Coil, an awesome gothic metal band from Italy.
This place on the web is fueled by diaryland, firefox, psp 9, caffeine in any form, books, slavic literature, and random bursts of ideas. With the exception of the image
and lyrics, the design and code involved is mine. Graize.
