Take the stupid fish.

[2008-07-24] @ [9:52 p.m.]

music Lacuna Coil - The Secret...

I feel horrible, again. There's always a reason to feel horrible no matter how small. To put it lamely, there was some small drama that went on, that is resolved for the most part. I really need to stop putting everything on myself, especially when it not my problem to begin with. Low self-esteem sucks.

But after what did happen tonight is putting some thoughts into my head and making the wheels turn, again.

I feel like with friends, a lot of them, I'm the one who listens and gives advice. The same is true for only a few select people where I go really deep about my problems and stuff. Included are parents, roommates, exroommate/friend I consider sister Nicole, and good friend Kristina. I feel awkward sometime because I'll be online in gtalk, waiting for one of my friends to pop up online and I can talk. Written words seem easier to do than talking someone over the phone for instance. Something about the written word is so final and comforting. That's probably why I rant, vent, complain, exclaim joyously, get excited, and anything related to the former and latter in this online diary.

Probably an unnecessary paragraph, but rather long. It takes up space. Space takers are a good thing.

So, I mentioned that today had my wheels turning. What I'm gonna do, and what I hope will happen. I've decided I'm going to go through and hope I find something part time on campus. Even though it is minium wage, ever little bit helps, especially with trying to apply to grad school. Those application fees add up, and even though my parents said they would help, I want to have some part in it too. It is a bit satisfying discovering you helped pay the admissions fee to the school you got into too.

If not, the money will go towards other things if I'm working, like eating out and saving up for after graduation. If not, it means money for caffeine and alcohol (after all, I'll be of age in September). That'll be pretty cool.

I'm still pretty hopeful about trying to make it own my after I graduate. I want to find my own place, be on my own, working and going to school at the same time.

I actually feel pretty good at the end of this whereas I felt rather crappy at the beginning. Writing is good relief. I don't mean to sound so negative lately. Things are tough and I've got to vent somewhow. Talking, or writing in this case, always helped. Things have been going pretty good, but there are moments. It's just today and yesterday had moments.

Tomorrow will be good, hopefully.

Cheers.

So, quick thanks for the image from confusedvision, under the Creative Commons License 2.0. The inspiration came from Lacuna Coil, an awesome gothic metal band from Italy. This place on the web is fueled by diaryland, firefox, psp 9, caffeine in any form, books, slavic literature, and random bursts of ideas. With the exception of the image and lyrics, the design and code involved is mine. Graize.

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