Me knows big words. Me smart.

[2008-07-26] @ [11:31 p.m.]

music Paul Haslinger - Deathdealers Deploy [off of the Underworld Original Score]

I remember my seventh grade English teacher always tried to incorporate bigger vocabulary words in our classes and encouraged us to us some too. I did, for the few words I liked.

To this day, I really don't try to purposely use a lot of huge words in everyday speech or when I write papers. I use the thesaurus in word sometimes to change up my words when I find myself repeating them in every sentence. You know, variation is good. Spices life up a bit. So imagine my horror while trying to study for the GREs withe all the extra, new fantastical vocabulary I need to learn. I was originally prepared to panic over the math section because, let's face it, math was never my strong section. I am preparing to fight to death with each section of this test.

I don't remember having this much difficulty with the SATs when I took them a few years ago. Of course, my score did drop a 100 points the second time I took it. That might be something. I digress. I do plan on taking the GREs a second time just in case. I don't remember placing so much pressure on the SATs as I am with GREs. Not ever grad school accepts GREs; some use the general GRE, where as others will use the subject intensive GRE test. Still, there is a bunch of pressure placed on it, at least in my mind.

I'm hoping to go the first round in two weeks. I need to make it a point to register tomorrow regardless so I can stop putting it off. In the mean time, I really need to study my ass off for this thing.

Maybe the pressure to do well isn't there, but because it means a lot to me.

I find that I need to keep reminding myself that this is what I want. I want to go to grad school, get my Master's in literature, teach college level some, work towards my doctorate one day in comparative literature while picking up a few languages, going abroad for awhile, and finding myself a guy all on the side. It's a nice plan. It would be so easy just to blow it all off and go with the flow, and in the process, lose that dream I've created.

But the things we want most in our lives, we need to work for them in order to truly get them. If everything was handed us on a platter, well, that wouldn't make for a very interesting life would it?

I just need to keep telling and reminding myself that this is what I want. Sometimes I lose sight of it because of the difficulty or I just feel like it's not worth it.

Moving slightly off topic, I've been considering getting a tattoo for the past six months or so. I haven't decided on anything final yet. I don't even know where I would put it for that matter, but if (or when) I would get it, I would want this:

What is it you ask? It is the Italian word for truth. Truth, truthiness, whatever is a principal and idea I hold very close. I'm a crappy liar for one, and secondly, to be truthful with yourself and your life is the first step to living it I think. By being truthful and admitting I want to achieve this dream of getting a bunch of degrees and being the eternal student inspires me to continue to work for it. See? I'm being honest with myself. Good for me.

So, I'm going to go back and study some more. I am going to show alacrity for studying. Alacrity is one of my fancy GRE words that means eager and enthusiastic willingness. Hopefully, I used it in the right context. I'm learning already! I'm going to nurse my energy drink and read it some more erudite words. There's another big word! Hopefully they'll start staying in the brain.

Till then. Cheers.

So, quick thanks for the image from confusedvision, under the Creative Commons License 2.0. The inspiration came from Lacuna Coil, an awesome gothic metal band from Italy. This place on the web is fueled by diaryland, firefox, psp 9, caffeine in any form, books, slavic literature, and random bursts of ideas. With the exception of the image and lyrics, the design and code involved is mine. Graize.

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