current | archives | profile | mail | notes | extras | brains | random | host
Happy place.
[2008-11-22] @ [9:24 p.m.]
Yet I can bring myself to do nothing right now. I have no motivation even though the desire to see my papers done, get into grad school, and live to fight another day is clearly there. Why can't I bring myself to act upon it then?
My hands are freezing. My feet feel like ice. And know what? I love it. I don't care what the calender says. I feel that winter is here.
Sometimes I need to find that happy spot. Usually it is a beach in the Outer Banks right at sunrise. I have my feet and hands in the sand and the sand is still cool from the night before, but is slowly warming up as the orange sun gets higher. The swells are small and breaking against the shore. A few gulls screaming, pretending to be rosters, as they float above.
Other times, when I am freezing in my bedroom of my apartment, I think of the fields at home. I live in the middle of nowhere when I am home. There are a bunch of soybean fields around us and our few neighbors. I have more than enough memories, especially in high school, walking down my road in a huge military issued overcoat in the dark. The road has no street lights. But that doesn't matter because the moon is out, and better yet, it is a full moon. With the full moon, it is enough see seem like day. You can see everything. I love it especially when there is fog rolling across the fields. The fog catches the moonlight so it looks like ghostly specters moving slowly with no destination. But the moon. The moon is right above the treeline at the edge of the field, brighter than ever. The stars too. Multiple little dots to connect like I used too as a child and make the constellations people centuries ago made stories of. And I will just stand there, bathed in the nightlight of the moon, trying to stay warm, my breath coming out in huge puffs like I've been smoking a pack of cigarettes. Even though I am freezing, losing feeling in my fingers, I am happy and relaxed.
I need to get back to work.
So, quick thanks for the image from confusedvision, under the Creative Commons License 2.0. The inspiration came from Lacuna Coil, an awesome gothic metal band from Italy.
This place on the web is fueled by diaryland, firefox, psp 9, caffeine in any form, books, slavic literature, and random bursts of ideas. With the exception of the image
and lyrics, the design and code involved is mine. Graize.
