Thoughts on that future-possible boyfriend (or more).

[2009-06-13] @ [8:56 p.m.]

music William Control - The Damned

Today was long to say simply. I worked a six hour shift. While that seems short, we were slammed half the time and left without any material necessary to make sandwiches or do prep work the other half of the time. I'm not the biggest fan of tourists because they tend to storm in flocks and take down their prey (me in this case) mercilessly.

Anyways, since I've been working and making sandwiches, I've started watching people. I know, watching people. It sounds ridiculous. It keeps my brain from turning to mush if I try to invent a story with each stranger that comes to me for a meal.

I miss waitressing because I could at least meet my customers on a personal level instead of, "Hi, is this for here to go? What type of bread would you like? When you're ready you can go and pay at the other end. Thank you." Insert fake smile.

I feel like machine. I hate it.

But I see these people, from all walks of life. I see odd couples sometimes, especially with the tourists.

It can be plump women and a skinny but awkward male. A somewhat rounded male with a gorgeous woman. Or a rounded couple that seems that they can make relationship work. Two complete opposites or two complete similar people as couple makes me have a bit of hope for myself.

I am not the most attractive. In fact, I am a rather plain person and have an fear with commitment, or rather, opening up to people because I am afraid of trusting them and letting them see me for me. But one thing that I have learned with this job, by seeing all these different walks of life, is that happiness is possible. It isn't some diluted dream. Sure, he may not be perfect, but he would accept me for what I am. Me. In the end, that is what really counts.

Me.

I have hopes of meeting, or at least going on a few dates and finding what I want in a guy at JMU. I have a feeling that things will be different, like a clean slate. It's a new start where no one knows my name and I have a chance to make my own life.

A bit of an off topic, I've come to love Milan Kundera. I'm reading his work Identity and I think it is amazing how he captures thoughts or anything small and insignificant. Kind of like James Joyce. I think Ulysses is amazing for capturing life in a day. If you're brave enough to attempt it. You'll be rewarded.

Till then, cheers.

P.S. This is an amazing video and I love Lacuna Coil as a bad. Simply amazing. Enjoy.

So, quick thanks for the image from confusedvision, under the Creative Commons License 2.0. The inspiration came from Lacuna Coil, an awesome gothic metal band from Italy. This place on the web is fueled by diaryland, firefox, psp 9, caffeine in any form, books, slavic literature, and random bursts of ideas. With the exception of the image and lyrics, the design and code involved is mine. Graize.

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