set me free

current | archives | profile | mail | notes | extras | brains | random | host

Continous state of stasis.

[2009-09-27] @ [5:00 p.m.]

music Blaqk Audio - Between Breaths (An XX Perspective)

I feel pretty proud of myself that I managed to get work done while I became adamant about going to the library and stayed in my apartment. I still have stuff to do, but it is not like this entire weekend was wasted.

The week itself was stressful. What week isn't anymore? I think the last week I wasn't stressed in major way was the week before grad school started. It has become the norm. I've accepted the fact that every week will feel like a hell week and that there will always be something to work on or improve. It is an endless cycle. The thing I do wish would stop is the thoughts of what needs to be done as I am falling asleep.

Thoughts of that nature fills me with dread, anxiety, and frustration. I am at a stalemate with the metaphorical steep muddy hill that represents this semester. I keep clawing my way up that hill trying to make victoriously make it up to the top. To-do thoughts do not help but only add more pressure to make me slowly crazy, well, frustrate me even more and then I become stuck in a continuous state of stasis. Well, I've felt like that for the past few weeks. My 599 class is the main blame for this condition.

I turned in my Textual and Bibliography exercise for 599. I'd spent weeks beforehand working on it and had turned in rough drafts for revisions. I had proofread it numerous times. If I get a C on it, I will go berserk. I've put so much time an effort into it. I was so nervous when I sent it off yesterday evening. It is like my senior seminar paper from last year has come back to haunt me.

But none of that now. I'm fairly certain with all that work, I should at least get a B- and my professor will see that I'm not a bad writer.

I guess I'm going to revise an assignment and to turn in tomorrow.

Till then, cheers.


So, quick thanks for the image from confusedvision, under the Creative Commons License 2.0. The inspiration came from Lacuna Coil, an awesome gothic metal band from Italy. This place on the web is fueled by diaryland, firefox, psp 9, caffeine in any form, books, slavic literature, and random bursts of ideas. With the exception of the image and lyrics, the design and code involved is mine. Graize.

kelly's currently-reading book montage