set me free

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Self-rescuing princess.

[2010-08-06] @ [12:13 p.m.]

After about a month, I've only take a couple of steps forward to the place where I want to be. I got my apartment lease taken off my hands and set the records straight in regards to my student loans. All that is left on the list of things to do is find a job. However, this task is easier said than done.

I'll admit I've dragged my feet a bit in the past few weeks when it comes to finding employment. Everything appears to be too slow. My parents have told me that I've been too selective and, well, afraid to get my hands dirty. So, starting a couple days ago, I've began to set small goals for myself. First, try to apply to two jobs a day, and secondly, Work on the job hunt and all matters relating to it for a few hours a day. I know that doesn't seem like much at a glance, but the process seems to be a long one. I have to start somewhere one step at a time. But if I expect something to happen or to change in my life, I have to do it myself.

Of course, I've had moments where I've felt otherwise and I let it simmer and brew before finally throwing it out like a bad stew. It's a never ending cycle for me where I am constantly fighting myself; it has been a constant battle as far back as I can remember. Nevertheless, I have my moments. I have my moods. But deep down, I have always been a secret optimist always hoping for the better despite the fact my outer appearances may lead one to believe otherwise. Things will change for the better, things happen for a reason, and the most we can do as mere mortals is go along for the ride.

Besides the constant toils and struggles of the job hung, nothing else much has happened. This is a blessing and a cruse. I've been doing a lot of creative writing and journaling in a notebook. After complaining so much in grad school about not having time to read for fun, I've been taking advantage of my surplus time and reading my mountain of to-read books. My birthday is less than a month away and the thought of turning twenty-three in September is surreal. But other than that, it's been dull and boring. I suppose being in the doldrums is better than being in the center of a hurricane, but I do wish the pace of things in my life would pick up again. I miss having things to do and feeling productive outside of home.

And I'll try to be better about updating in the future.

Till then. Cheers.

So, quick thanks for the image from confusedvision, under the Creative Commons License 2.0. The inspiration came from Lacuna Coil, an awesome gothic metal band from Italy. This place on the web is fueled by diaryland, firefox, psp 9, caffeine in any form, books, slavic literature, and random bursts of ideas. With the exception of the image and lyrics, the design and code involved is mine. Graize.

kelly's currently-reading book montage