Eventually, you see the truth.

[2004-04-22] @ [6:49 p.m.]

"Eyes betray the soul and bear it's thinking. Beyond words they say so many things to me. A stranger here reborn it seems awaking wonders deep in me. If nothing's ventured nothing's gained so I must seize the day. "

I hardly ever use lyrics anymore to to start off my entries. The song is called Standing by VNV Nation. I love this song. The lyrics are very powerful and beautiful, seeming to reveal so many aspects of life.

The little set of lyrics is the very first part of the song. I kept singing this song to myself over and over again in my head today. It seemed to be a connection to how I felt from what I wrote earlier this morning and me realizing the truth about something even thought I really don't know what of at the moment.

Let me begin by saying, I shall never give up my writing. I sounded like I was giving it up. I'll tell you the truth, that the thought was just something I said out of the moment. I was giving myself pity which fueled my self-doubt. It is things like these that I say I will try to improve upon but I never do. I have no spine and I have been afraid all my life.

I hate the fact that I am like this.

When I write things for school and of that nature, I hold back on who I really am. But when I write for me and no one else, the real me shines through. This diary is the real me. My other diary is the real me. My poems and stories are the true me. The things that I write for myself are the true me, not something that I write for others. This is the outlook that I have often kept over the past years with writing. But I need to change my outlook on life and writing so that everything I write is showing the true me, especially for school papers.

We got into groups today and edited papers. Amanda and Chrissie were the ones to look over my paper. And I was told the same thing and reaffirmed, it can be better and it was can be told that I was holding back. Random editors can't tell you this, only someone who really knows you can tell you.

My second draft is due Tuesday and I will not hold back. That is a promise to myself.

Thanks for making me see the truth.

So, quick thanks for the image from confusedvision, under the Creative Commons License 2.0. The inspiration came from Lacuna Coil, an awesome gothic metal band from Italy. This place on the web is fueled by diaryland, firefox, psp 9, caffeine in any form, books, slavic literature, and random bursts of ideas. With the exception of the image and lyrics, the design and code involved is mine. Graize.

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